Wednesday, April 28, 2010

79.) Fed to the Sharks

I'm gonna let this speak for itself, rather than address your comments at the moment. But I loved your reaction and shock, and I'm glad to know some of you are excited about this twist. Even if you're not thrilled about what happened in the post, I hope you'll still read.

Yes, I'm now creating my own reality. See Author's Note.

Also, if you never listen to the songs, do yourself a favor and give this one a shot. It pretty much encapsulates the current situation in a way that, as a writer, I just can't.


Soundtrack Song - Civil Twilight, Letters from the Sky

I waited for Jo’s reaction, having no reaction myself. Ray had been nice enough on the phone, but I felt numb. It hurt to be traded, used like a pawn in Shero’s quest for the Cup—but it hurt worse that I was considered to be disposable and not a useful piece of the puzzle or an important player for his team. Shero thought his team could win it all without me. Ouch.

“But... why?” she asked, squeezing my arm. There wasn’t an accusing tone to her voice, but the question still smarted. Why?

Exhaling a long, slow breath, I thought about what Ray’d said to me on the phone. He said he had to make a decision, and he didn’t really want to trade me. He said he would have liked to keep me and see me through as I developed and matured as a player, because my best years were still ahead of me. That was, he said, why they drafted me in the first place. Because they saw my “potential.”

But I guess they were just putting my “potential” out on display for other teams. That’s why I was moved up to shut down with Orpik—so the other teams could see the defensive side of my game, the physicality of my game, to make me that much more of a bargaining chip. I thought they were giving me a chance to spread my wings and show the team what I could do; but in reality I had been showing other teams what I could do.

The Pens were a team built to win now, this season, Shero told me. They had to do whatever it took to help them fill in the blanks and holes to present a full, dangerous team to any possible opponent. That meant more offense, a scoring winger. We needed—the Pens needed—someone to complement Geno to spark that second line, and we—they—were willing to give up a top-four defenseman in order to get it. That was how desperate they were. It had nothing to do with how I was playing or whether I had fit in with the team; it wasn’t personal, he said. But, fuck, I was taking this personally.

The team had heard rumors that Shero was in negotiations with the Leafs, but that they were reaching a dead-end because he wasn’t willing to give up the prospect Burke wanted. I hoped Caputi knew how lucky he was, knowing that Ray favored him enough to want to keep him over me. Maybe that was my bitterness or resentment talking, but it truly felt like a stab in the back to be traded when we were having another successful season. I hadn’t hit any of my season objectives, which I had set for myself over the summer, and I wasn’t exactly on track to reach them either. I wanted ten goals, but had only scored three; I wanted thirty-five points, but so far I only had twenty-two. Sure, it wasn’t stellar, and obviously everyone (including myself) had expected more, but was it worth trading me over?

I didn’t go into all that detail to Jo, though. Because even though it royally sucked to be traded, the decision was made and it was final. I wasn’t a Pen anymore, I wasn’t going to be donning black and gold again, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it except whine—and whining was pointless and would get me nowhere. So I merely explained, “They could get a better winger if they traded me rather than a prospect and some draft picks.”

Her voice was shaky as she pressed me for more answers. “Who’d they trade you for?”

“Um, Ryane Clowe? He’s a left wing. He’ll be going on Geno’s line, hopefully.”

“I don’t care where he’s playing, Kris, or where he’s gonna fit. Fuck him, for all I care, and fuck the Penguins. I wanna know where you’re going.” There was an edge of panic in her voice. That was the big question. I was leaving, but how far away was I going?

“Clowe’s from the Sharks.”

Her grip on me tightened. “San José? California?!

I closed my eyes and nodded. The Sharks. The infamous choke artists. As if it weren’t bad enough to be traded, going to San José was just adding insult to injury. It really was like being fed to the sharks. They were a good team, I guess, because they were one of the top teams in the West; but I was less than thrilled to play for a team that historically faded out a round or two into the postseason. But I couldn’t help but think that that was why they wanted me: I had experience as a Stanley Cup winner. I could help lead their team to victory. Oh, who the hell was I kidding? I was doomed to be playing golf by the end of April.

Jo’s hand slid down my arm to my hand, and she laced her fingers with mine. She spoke very tentatively. “Well, I guess I know where I’m vacationing for spring break, at least.”

Looking up at her, I surprised by her response. I hadn’t expected her to say that. Not when she had that anxious look in her eyes that she got when she was worried about something. I expected more incredulity, or anger or sadness or some other emotion. “Really?”

“Orange County, here I come. Well, I mean, as long as you’ll let me come visit,” she clarified with a blush.

“Yeah, Jo, of course I’d let you.” I reached over to her with my right hand, my free hand, and cupped her face, allowing my thumb to trace the line of her cheek bone. As unsure as I was feeling, her support was welcome. I really needed that. “I expect you to. And I can’t wait for it, actually.”

“Good, because I’m already looking forward to it.” She sighed briefly, with a smile so faint it was almost unnoticeable. It was barely there, but I could detect it because I knew the shape of her face so well. “You know, it’s a good thing you look good in teal.”

I chuckled, feeling reassured—albeit only slightly—by her humor. I knew then that we’d make it through this, somehow, doing whatever it took to get over this hurdle. If she could crack a joke at a time like this, if she was choosing to lighten the mood in the room instead of fight and get upset, then we could definitely work this out. She was electing to support me during this transition instead of focus on how much it would suck. Trying to be positive when we were surrounded by negatives.

I was moved by my love for her, and I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes. I was so proud of her for how she was dealing with the news. For a moment, I forgot about my disappointment as I celebrated her attitude. She was dealing with this much better than I was, and that was going to help me deal with this, too. Jo was going to offer her support so I could rely on her and lean on her while I was feeling like the ground had caved in from under where I was standing. She was going to hold onto my hand and pull me up from the depths of the pit I was about to fall into, and she was going to be strong enough for the both of us until I could emotionally get back on my feet.

Every moment in our relationship had been building us up to handle this appropriately. Every previous second had been giving us the tools necessary to create a solid foundation upon which our love could be erected. No earthquake could shake or crack this.

I was so thankful for Jo at this moment, because I couldn’t imagine having to go through this transition without her. Even though she’d still be here in Pittsburgh, attending her classes and working and living here without me, while I was moving away to San José to play and completely start over all by myself, she was still going to be there for me. It didn’t matter that we weren’t going to be physically together, even though it would blow, because a bond like this transcends distance.

“And, I suppose, it’s a good thing that you look good in teal, too. I expect you to become a Sharks fan,” I told her, leaning my forehead against her temple and closing my eyes. Since Jo was taking this in stride, it was going to be a lot easier for me to go through with it and leave her.

“Well, I’m a Tanger fan, first and foremost. Doesn’t matter what team you play for.” I could feel the way the skin of her face crinkled as she smiled. “Well, except Philly. Then I draw the line.”

“Then let’s hope it never comes to that. Besides, neither of us looks good in orange.”

Jo laughed and turned her head, so now my forehead was against hers. We needed to get back to business, and she knew that. “So, what happens? When do you leave?”

I groaned, thinking about it. There was so much that needed to be done. “Like, now. As soon as possible. I’ve gotta call my agent, my mom, book a flight, pack, figure out where I’m gonna stay, what the hell I’m supposed to do—” My phone went off, and I stopped talking to read the screen. “This is Kent now.”

Jo nodded, letting go of me and standing up so I could take this call. I watched as she walked back into the bedroom, and then I clicked the “accept call” button and answered my phone. “Hey, Kent—”

“Don’t worry, Kris, I’m taking care of it all. I bought your ticket for San José, and you leave this afternoon. You’ll be staying at the Alameda, which is about a block away from HP Pavilion, and it’s the closest hotel to the arena. I’m in the process of getting a hold of Doug Wilson, that’s the GM of the Sharks, to see when you can meet with the team and coaches and management. Your equipment’s being packed and shipped, so it’ll be there by the time you get there. I’ve got everything under control for you, Kris.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. He may have had the details organized, but he hadn’t taken care of everything. I was still having trouble wrapping my head around the idea of being traded and having to start over with a new team, midseason. Even though I was comforted by knowing Jo would back me up, it was still difficult to process what was going on and the fact that I had been dumped by my team. I wondered if this was how it would feel to find out your girlfriend had been cheating on you. Like the Pens had been seeing someone else and had chosen the other person over me. Maybe this was overreacting, but I’d been with the organization for five years, which made bouncing between juniors, the minors, and then the NHL and going from team to team a little bit easier. But now the Pens and I were breaking up. This was going to be awkward, and I was making myself anxious just thinking about it.

“I e-mailed you your ticket confirmation for your flight and your room confirmation also, so that’s all sorted out. As soon as I set up a meeting with Sharks management, I’ll forward you that information also. You’re all set, and if you need anything else, then you just say the word and it’s done. I want to make this transition as easy as possible on you.” Kent paused, which was odd for him. He usually just talked a mile a minute until you cut him off. “I know you said you wanted to stay in Pittsburgh, Kris, but we’re gonna make the best of this.”

“We’re gonna try, at least,” I sighed. “Thanks, Kent, I appreciate you taking care of much as you could. I guess I’ll talk to you next from California.”

I hung up, knowing that I should have called Mom immediately after I found out to tell her about what was going on before she heard about it otherwise, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that yet. It would probably take a few hours for the news to get out, so I had some time. Checking my flight itinerary, I saw that I wouldn’t have to be at the airport yet for a few hours; my flight didn’t take off until quarter to three. Since I didn’t have to worry about my arrangements or equipment, Kent had bought me some valuable hours to spend how I wanted for my remaining time in Pittsburgh—and I knew just how I wanted to pass the time.

Pushing off the couch, I followed the path that Jo had taken into our bedroom. While I had been on the phone, she had pulled out my luggage from the closet and placed the pieces on the stripped, bare bed, the bags open and already half-filled with my things. That sight brought me back down to Earth, and the weight of what was happening was beginning to sink in. Seeing my belongings in my suitcases, it just made it feel so real. I was really leaving.

My shampoo, conditioner, soap, razor, and the rest of my toiletries were packed up, just like how I’d do it when I was going away on a road trip with the team. But the dresser drawers were empty, their contents piled neatly in my luggage. She must have seen the look on my face, because she quickly explained, “I just figured you didn’t have time to dilly-dally. I figured I’d get a head start, to help you out.”

I nodded, knowing in my head that her words made sense, but it didn’t feel right in my heart to see her packing up my things. “Wow. I can’t believe this is happening.”

It was Jo’s turn to nod, and her gesture was slow and subtle. “I can’t believe it either. I feel... I feel like this is my fault,” she sighed quietly, and I had to replay her statement in my head three times before I fully understood it.

Even once I understood what she said, I still didn’t understand her meaning. “How is this at all your fault? How could any of it be your fault? You couldn’t possibly have made this happen.”

“Well, yeah, I know it’s not actually my fault, but I feel guilty. I was just thinking to myself that a change would be nice, you know? That’s why I wanted to go do something tonight, to do something different and have some fun.” Jo shrugged sadly. “And this is definitely a change, but not at all what I had in mind. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.”

“You know as well as I do that you don’t have that kind of power over anything,” I told her, making her smirk. She grabbed a few more shirts and laid them flat, pressing and trying to fit as much as she could in my bag. I sat on the bed and waved her over. “Stop for a second?”

“But there’s so much to do—”

“We’ve got time,” I assured her. I just wanted some quiet time with her, to soak her essence up so I could take it with me when I left. “Please, come sit with me, just for a little.”

She nodded and joined me, silently looking around the room. Finally she said, “Whatever doesn’t fit or whatever you can’t carry with you, I can pack up and ship it to you.” I nodded, putting an arm around her shoulder. Jo was trying to be so focused on doing what needed to be done, but I just wanted to be in the present moment with her. She leaned her head against my shoulder and stared down at the floor. “Or I can put it into storage if that’s what you want. And I’ll just need a few days before I can find a place and be out.”

“Find a place? And what do you mean, ‘out’? Where are you going?”

“Well, I don’t know. But I can’t stay here. This was your apartment, Kris, from the start.” I opened my mouth to argue with her, but she held up her hand to shut me up. She continued, “When you asked me to move in with you, I was afraid to do it, and really, I never did agree and say ‘yes’ to make it permanent. But even so, this place felt like ours. But if you’re not here, it’s not our place anymore. And it’s certainly not mine. I can’t afford it, my name’s not on it—”

This time, I didn’t let her stop me from interrupting. “You’re not going anywhere. Where would you go? Not back to your house. No. You’re staying here. You’re not going anywhere.”

“I could apply for emergency room and board at CMU. I don’t have to go back home—”

“No, this is your home.” I had to let my blood pressure settle back down before I could rationalize this to her. “Besides, when I came back to start the season, I had to a re-sign a one-year lease here. I’d still be paying, if I were here or not. It’s fine.”

“No, Kris. I can’t accept this from you. It’s like I’m your mistress or something, and you’re putting me up. I can’t.”

“So you’d just let the place sit here, unused? Let my stuff gather dust? I’d rather this place be used somehow than pay for it to be empty. Just stay here.”

“Don’t try to guilt me into it or anything,” she replied with a lighthearted snort. “I just don’t know. I feel weird about it. Like I’m physically taking something from you, and I don’t need to take anything from you. I don’t want anything other than you. You, babe. Nothing else.”

I squeezed her shoulders in a one-armed hug. “I know, and I wish I could stay here, to give you me. But if I can’t, then I still want to make sure you got what you need. I’m perfectly fine with this. I want you here, I want to know you’re here... please.”

She paused for a moment, obviously debating her decision. “’Kay.”

“Good,” I breathed with relief. If I couldn’t be here physically, whenever she needed me, at least I could do this for her and make sure that she had a sanctuary. That’s why I gave her my key back in December. Even though I was going away on a road trip back then, I wanted to be able to do something to help her when she had that run-in with her dad on the anniversary of James’s death. And that “something” was giving her a sanctuary, a place to escape. I still wanted to give that to her.

I turned my body toward her and cupped her chin when she looked up at me. Looking deep into her eyes, I told her the reason I came back into this room in the first place. “Jo, I wanna make love.”

She gave me kind of a crazy look. Well, the look wasn’t crazy, but it was like she thought I was crazy. “You say that like we haven’t been doing that all along.”

Shaking my head, I tried to explain it as best as I could. “I want to make ‘love,’ make enough to last you until I see you and get to love you again.” I kissed her neck, right over her carotid, feeling with my lips and tongue how her heart rate jumped and accelerated. Then I placed my right hand over her heart on her chest. “This time, I wanna make love for you. I wanna make enough so you can store it right here and have it when you need it, until I see you again and get to replenish it.”

Jo placed her palms against my chest and pushed me down to the bed, slipping between my legs as she laid herself on top of me. “We make ‘love’ every time you kiss me,” she whispered, placing a line of kisses along my jaw. “Every time you look at me and your brown eyes sparkle. Every time you say my name. Every time you think of me and smile, you’re making ‘love’ for me.” She pulled back enough to look down at my face. “Every time you do something like that, it’s like you leave a deposit of love that never fades away, like building a bird’s nest. It doesn’t get depleted, so I don’t need you to make love for me. Make love to me.”

We took turns peeling each other out of our clothes, mouths kissing and hands groping all the while. We were proceeding slowly, wanting to reach the ultimate climax eventually, but not rushing to get there. This was going to be the last time we’d have the chance to do this until she visited for spring break, whenever that was. We wanted this to last forever.

When I slipped inside of Jo, I made myself push in and pull out with long, slow strokes. Even when I wanted to go faster, I focused on my pace to make sure we took our time. It took all my self-control and self-discipline to maintain this speed, and my muscles were screaming at me to increase my tempo and finish, to get off and lie down—but I resisted.

I hovered over her, feeling her back bow and arch as she fought against her pleasure, wanting to keep this going for as long as we could. Lowering my face until it was mere inches above hers, I kept my weight off her with my right hand as I reached with my left and made her make eye contact with me. Her eyes weren’t hazel anymore; the gold was completely gone. Now her eyes were dark, dark brown as she looked back at me intensely.

The hot, humid pants leaving my mouth immediately became her gasps. The air she breathed was my breath. My hair was falling across her forehead, my sweat dripping onto her skin. Her fingers dug into the skin of my back, and I could feel her short nails leaving their imprints. Not enough to break the skin, but I knew I’d have marks. I didn’t care about that; and if there was pain, I didn’t feel it.

At one point, Jo closed her eyes as she struggled to prevent the inevitable orgasm. But I wouldn’t let her. My whole body rebelled as I mustered the additional effort needed to speak. “Look at me, Jo,” I ordered her. Reluctantly, her eyelids fluttered open. I couldn’t believe the words leaving my mouth. “Come for me.”

She closed her eyes and groaned, her grip on my flesh tightening. “No,” she breathed, biting her lip and continuing to fight against the sensations.

“Yes,” I hissed, thrusting with more force but not speeding up.

“I don’t. Want this. To end. Ever,” she eked out, pinching her eyes shut. I felt as all her muscles began to tense, her body’s grip around my dick tightening unbearably. I wouldn’t be able to last much longer, and I knew she wouldn’t either.

With her face turned away from me, my mouth was right over her ear. I coaxed her again, “Come.” That was enough to push her over the edge, and a tremor ripped through her body. The feel of her warmth spasming around me was like experiencing paradise, and I let out a raw, primal howl as I felt my body finally give in and surrender itself to the sublime.

“Kris?” Jo asked, pressing against my shoulder.

I looked down at her. “Hmm?”

“I think you blacked out for a second there. Are you okay?” she giggled.

“I’m sorry,” I said, pulling out of her and flopping onto my back on the rough, scratchy mattress. I rested my sweaty hands on my chest, palms down. “But that was....”

“I know,” she purred, curling up next to me and hooking a leg over mine. Her fingers played with mine, lifting my hand from its place. “Beyond words. I just wish it wasn’t over.” Our hands were now pressed palm-to-palm, and her face contorted. Her eyes got glassy and she blinked furiously as her lips pursed into a tight frown, desperately trying not to cry.

“Joey,” I started, trying to think of something to say that would quell her tears.

“I’m sorry,” it was her turn to say. “I don’t wanna cry, but I can’t believe we wasted this week. I let my stupid emotions get in the way, and I wasted our time together, when I should know that you have to take advantage of every second. And now you’re going....”

“But it’s not for forever. I’ll see you in what, a few weeks?” I asked, wrapping her up in my arms and holding her tightly to me. Our bodies were slick and sticky, but neither of us cared. She nodded. “It’ll just be like I’m going away on a long road trip. That’s all. That’s how we have to think about it.”

“I guess,” she sniffed.

“Our relationship is like a hockey season,” I reasoned aloud. “You don’t start off by playing for the Cup. There’s training camp, then the preseason, and then there are eighty-two regular games that prepare you for the play-offs. And then in the postseason, there are four rounds, and you need four wins in each round. But you don’t and can’t win it all in September or October. You’ve gotta take it game by game. Gotta play period to period, shift to shift, never getting ahead of yourself. Focusing on what you can do, right now. And that’s what we gotta do now. We get through each day until your spring break. Let’s worry about what happens later when ‘later’ finally rolls around.”

“You make it sound easy,” she pouted.

“No, it won’t be easy. I’m gonna miss you like crazy, but it’s like I said to you in the fall: the things worth doing in life—”

“Are always the hardest,” she finished my sentence. “I hate it when you’re right.”

17 comments:

  1. Aww Jay this was so beautiful. I'm not one to cry at fanfics, but by the end of this I had tears running down my cheeks. I really hope this works for the both of them, half of me hoped Jo was going to go to SJ with him, but of course she has school... After that bombshell, you have to make it work :)

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  2. She gave me kind of a crazy look. Well, the look wasn’t crazy, but it was like she thought I was crazy.
    - Brilliant.

    The hot, humid pants leaving my mouth immediately became her gasps. The air she breathed was my breath. My hair was falling across her forehead, my sweat dripping onto her skin.
    - I want this.

    Ugh, the Sharks. I may be unhappy that he is leaving but that chapter was just too fucking perfect to complain.

    I am exhausted so not too much of a comment other than a shout out of my fave lines. You know I think your incredible so insert my continual praise here.

    Oh, and the song is excellent!

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  3. damn it woman why do you do this to me?! I suppose it's my fault because I keep coming back...

    Oh! The abuse I've suffered tonight! I'm going to go cry myself to sleep...damn stupids caps crapping out....damn jay trading kris! Oh the humanity!!!!!!

    okay now that I'm done being a drama queen...

    This chapter was amazingly beautiful. I cannot say that I am thrilled about this new twist but I am most definitely interested.

    The part of this chapter when kris said he wanted to make love 'for' jo and her response was pure brilliance.

    This is my favorite:

    “We make ‘love’ every time you kiss me,” she whispered, placing a line of kisses along my jaw. “Every time you look at me and your brown eyes sparkle. Every time you say my name. Every time you think of me and smile, you’re making ‘love’ for me.” She pulled back enough to look down at my face. “Every time you do something like that, it’s like you leave a deposit of love that never fades away, like building a bird’s nest. It doesn’t get depleted, so I don’t need you to make love for me. Make love to me.”

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  4. i started off furious that you were doing an alternate reality.. and i said to myself, "i'll read one more chapter before i decide to give this fic up."
    you forced me to like this sideways world and now i'm stuck with this fic til the end. *sigh* now i'm soo curious to see what happens next. when you were with the reality, i somewhat knew what to expect, now all bets are off. please update soon and great job jay.

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  5. o god i hate san jose... WHY OUT WEST?????
    why not trade him to like columbus? okay its out west but very close to PA!!!

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  6. Whew, I actually like the Sharks, and I don't know how they're doing in alternate reality world, but they have made it past round one, so...sky's the limit now. I actually panicked when I read the words, "Burke" and "Leafs", because that is the one team I could not stomach Kris going to.

    Okay, let's get to the romantic part. These words are beautiful:

    “We’ve got time,” I assured her. I just wanted some quiet time with her, to soak her essence up so I could take it with me when I left.

    Really, what a poetic soul. Who follows that up with an extended sex session. The perfect man.

    What's next Jay? Sky's the limit for you too!

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  7. "I want this"

    - K.

    Sigh. Ditto, K. Ditto.
    Screw that. I'd be moving to San Jose, too.

    -elle


    P.S. I still love how when I click the link to make a comment on here, it says "Lecomment". teehee

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  8. I'm still upset...but this chapter was beautiful and romantic so it's hard to stay mad at you!

    Perfect and I'm so excited to see where they are going next in their relationship!

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  9. I was soooo upset at the first of this chapter.
    For SOME REASON [i didn't read the title] I thought he was going to TORONTO. Don't ask why. I DON'T KNOW.

    When she was packing his things for him <3 pooor jo. : (

    The ending was beautiful.
    I loved every line of this chapter.
    They're dealing pretty well?
    I just don't want jo to go all crazy once kris is gone. : (

    Can't wait to read more!!

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  10. Please tell me she is going to transfer to Cali after her school year is up!

    Was a shock to read he was traded.I was hoping it was a bad dream.

    Will be interesting to see what she does when he is gone.

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  11. That was beautiful. The best chapter of fanfic I have ever read.

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  12. Everything you write is amazing, but I am so excited for this... I can't even explain it! So... as I go!

    Also, you should never have to explain yourself for anything that you do. Everything you've ever written has been done with dignity, grace and incredible skill. Anyone that was going to give up this story because they didn't like the way YOUR story was going, is - excuse my french - stupid. This story is one of the few stories on here that is capable of standing on it's own feet. It needs no introduction or explanation... it is what it is... pure brilliance.

    "It hurt to be traded, used like a pawn in Shero’s quest for the Cup—but it hurt worse that I was considered to be disposable and not a useful piece of the puzzle or an important player for his team."
    ^^ It's funny, that as much as I always think about it sucking when players get traded, I never really took in all the emotion that was involved for them.
    Like, leaving behind their friends, girlfriends, house, team-mates. It's like getting packed up and shipped off to the unknown... and the worse part is nothing can ever go back to the way it was. When you see the people you use to spend all your time with, things aren't the same; they'll never be your team anymore, just like it'll never be your home again.

    "Fuck him, for all I care, and fuck the Penguins"
    ^^ I love that Jo's got her priorities right, I mean, I don't know what I would do in her situation but, I feel like everything she does is exactly what she needs to be saying right now to Kris. She's saying all the things he can't, speaking all the words he won't say.

    "I was moved by my love for her, and I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes."
    ^^ I loved this analogy. Like... wow. It was just so cute and so sweet in the middle of all this turmoil. It brings all the shit back down to the way it should be; the innocence and the childlike hope that I have right now, that everything will work out.

    “Well, I’m a Tanger fan, first and foremost. Doesn’t matter what team you play for.” I could feel the way the skin of her face crinkled as she smiled. “Well, except Philly. Then I draw the line.”
    ^^ <3 again it's Jo knowing what she needs to do... putting Kris's needs before her own. He needs her to be strong right now, and as hard as that is on her, she's doing it for him. I'd love to say that I would have her strength but I don't think that I would... I'd be a blubbering mess... kinda like how I am right now lol.

    Packing Kris's things is just... there's no way I could do that... I'd just break down and cry. I can't even imagine what that must feel like for Jo...

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  13. “Please, come sit with me, just for a little.”
    ^^ Ugh! Heart-wrenching. This was so... sad, for lack of a better word. Just that out of everything that's going on in the world right now, he just needs to be beside her, just to take a minute and breath.

    “I want to make ‘love,’ make enough to last you until I see you and get to love you again.” I kissed her neck, right over her carotid, feeling with my lips and tongue how her heart rate jumped and accelerated. Then I placed my right hand over her heart on her chest. “This time, I wanna make love for you. I wanna make enough so you can store it right here and have it when you need it, until I see you again and get to replenish it.”
    ^^ I've given you my thoughts on this part already but I felt like I needed to quote it again to prove a point... epic. Just epic. I mean, this post is unbelievable but... this is... I don't have words.

    "The hot, humid pants leaving my mouth immediately became her gasps. The air she breathed was my breath. My hair was falling across her forehead, my sweat dripping onto her skin."
    ^^ I can't stop crying! Damnit Jay! That one line "The air she breathed was my breath"... ughhhhhhh I agree with everyone else, I want that.
    I think I've wanted that my whole life, but up until this exact moment right now, I didn't actually realize that that was what I wanted (if that makes sense).
    And it's just so perfect, because it's physical, spiritual, mental and emotional.

    Physically he's breathing her breath in because he's right on top of her, mouth to mouth. Mentally it's like he's using her to keep himself calm, she's giving him something else to focus on; being his one constant in a moment where he feels like everything is falling apart.
    Emotionally they're together, taking the time to just be with one another in the most intimate of ways... and they're spiritually inseparable now... their relationship is unshakeable and unbendable. Love like this can't be destroyed by distance or challenge... it's timeless and that's why I love them so much.

    You know how I feel about your writing and everything that goes along with it... but this is the most amazing thing you've ever written. I always wonder how it's possible that your talent can get better... and sometimes I think 'no, this has to be the best, there's no way I'll read a post better than this one'... but I just did.
    This one post had everything in it that one could ever ask for...

    I wish my comment could relay how magnificent this was but it doesn't and I'm not gonna try... just know that it was moving in ways that I never thought a story could be. Perfect.

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  14. Just amazing! I'm so happy that she is being strong so he can lean on her. Proud of him for not only seeing it but appreciating her for it.

    The whole love scene melted my heart and made me cry.
    “This time, I wanna make love for you. I wanna make enough so you can store it right here and have it when you need it, until I see you again and get to replenish it.”
    Maybe the most beautiful sentiment ever!

    But now I'm worried about Dave. Jo's all alone for the first time since James died, no Tubby, no Kris. She will need a friend and Dave is just waiting there.
    What if Kris meets someone who needs his help. He didn't offer to help Jo thinking they would end up together. He's very naive about people, female people especially.
    So many "what ifs"...

    Plus they won't even be able to have phone sex because Kris can't say those things! Good Lord the more I think about this the more worried I become.
    Beautiful and amazing as always, thank you!

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  15. zigh, i could tell part of your comment was addressed to me- so let me just say- if i don't like where a story is going, it's my choice if i'm going to keep reading it and spending time on it. correct? and as i said, i am going to keep reading this story, because jay is doing a great job with it. sorry to do a comment on this, but i feel i had to. and you really are doing a great job jay- i've read your others (this and paperperfect are my favs!) and you're a GREAT writer. :)

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  16. @Anonymous ummm, what? I was making a statement about something that Jay and I had been talking about and in reference to the comments on her last update, I don't know who you are and I'm sorry to say, don't really care what you read... lol
    I was making a comment to a friend about her writing... it had nothing to do with you or something you wrote. And your anonymous how do I even know what you wrote?? And if you need to say something to me... there's a function on here you can send messages to, instead of taking up space on ppls blogs lol. (I do it cause as I said... your anonymous and idk who you are).

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  17. Jay, I love you/your writing more than words can convey. I want so badly to be able to express how I feel about this chapter and put it into words but I honestly don't know if I can. I never thought a story could leave me speechless, but you've succeeded. I'll try though.

    At the beginning my heart was completely broken for Kris and Jo. I can only imagine what he's going through and how it feels like he's been backstabbed by the Pens. But oh my lord, the way Jo handled it. I was so proud of her at that very moment that I started crying already. This just goes to show how much they have grown from where they first started. A few months ago she might have had some volatile, explosive reaction, but now she's taking everything in stride. It just makes me so happy, I can't even!

    When Kris told her that he wanted her to keep on living in the apartment. Ugh! I started crying again and that wasn't even one of the sadder parts. I just couldn't handle how impossibly sweet all of this was and the fact that they're gonna be separated soon.

    And then Kris, wanting to make love 'for' her. I honestly was at a loss for words. Again. It just doesn't get better than that. Except when Jo gives her little speech about all the little things he does is like him making love to her. This. This.

    And finally, when Jo and Kris finally do make love, I couldn't even contain my joy/sadness/unnamed emotions. I had no idea what I was feeling, but it was just amazing. The need they have for eachother is other worldly and I can't believe he's going to be leaving so soon.

    Jay, this update was just fantastic. You are constantly, constantly, out-doing yourself. Your writing is amazing, wonderful, breathtaking, beautiful, and every other praising adjective. Bravo, my dear.

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